Personal

New End to an Old Begin­ning

15 March 2014

Start­ing fresh and doc­u­ment­ing again.

For so long I thought leav­ing this blog would ben­e­fit me from expos­ing my life to the entire world and would pre­vent oth­ers from know­ing “too much” about me, but I’ve realised that this is prob­a­bly the only place I can actu­al­ly record things about my life through pho­tographs and writ­ing. I write jour­nal entries on a dai­ly basis but I can’t exact­ly stick a dozen pho­tographs in there to help me recall the events of that day in the future when I’m perus­ing through my diary.

Things have changed sig­nif­i­cant­ly late­ly, with uni­ver­si­ty com­menc­ing and watch­ing peo­ple whom I’ve asso­ci­at­ed myself with as “friends” drift into all sorts of direc­tions because of dif­fer­ences in pref­er­ences and inter­ests. Attend­ing a uni­ver­si­ty which prac­ti­cal­ly no one I know attends, I’ve been forced to build new links with strangers. It’s pecu­liar, hav­ing to be the one to ini­ti­ate con­ver­sa­tions and be the “out­go­ing” one — some­thing I’ve nev­er real­ly seen as befit­ting for me, and I still don’t. It’s amaz­ing how most peo­ple rec­i­p­ro­cate kind­ness by attempt­ing to car­ry on the con­ver­sa­tion even when you run out of things to say. It’s reas­sur­ing to know that peo­ple are feel­ing just as lone­ly as I am in the process of tran­si­tion.

The first day of uni­ver­si­ty was dread­ful­ly daunt­ing. I strug­gled to con­verse with peo­ple or even hold eye con­tact with any­one for more than two sec­onds. The sec­ond day was bet­ter, though. I start­ed to talk to the peo­ple in my tuto­ri­als and sur­pris­ing­ly most peo­ple remem­bered my name after see­ing me for the first time in our pre­vi­ous tuto­r­i­al; but that’s prob­a­bly because I’m one of the very, very few Asians in my course. I’m also the only Asian in my pod — an allo­cat­ed class in which we are allo­cat­ed to for the first semes­ter of our first year at law school.

Despite the heavy work­load (so much read­ing I might as well crawl my eyes out and turn into a cloud) uni­ver­si­ty is actu­al­ly quite enjoy­able. My mum says it’s “chill” — I seri­ous­ly regret teach­ing her the mean­ing of this slang word because slips it into her sen­tences every now and then when she’s speak­ing Chi­nese to me. It’s fun­ny, though. The sense of free­dom when I attend uni­ver­si­ty makes me feel so inde­pen­dent and capa­ble of exist­ing in a way where I can make my own choic­es for myself and decide what’s best in the process of plan­ning my future.

Some Suggestions